This post is coming to you today from a very personal perspective, but one that I hope will support and encourage you in your own journey somehow. As I sit here, with it almost 10 o'clock at night, the kids are asleep in bed, and I just finished a 30-minute "cry-fest". I don't think I have ever cried so hard in my life. All of the kids were just hugging me and telling me it's going to be okay. In our crying, there is healing, and a desperation that draws us closer to God than anything else, I believe. Tears are the stairway to the Father, and the release of toxins from our heart and soul. The weight of my life, the responsibilities of it, and the reality of bearing this load alone for the majority of my life has been weighing very heavily on me the last week or so. I feel it now more than I ever have before. As each month and year passes, it gets harder to be everything to everyone all the time. Mother, friend, disciplinarian, teacher, taxi, cook, maid, confidant, provider, caregiver, comforter, advisor, wage earner, student, nurse, encourager, delegator...and so much more. I am overwhelmed, sad, longing, exhausted...but through the tears I am also grateful, appreciative, determined, and hopeful. So of course, I turned to God and asked for His comfort, and He brought me to the Scriptures. I found comfort in these tonight:
"...for each one should carry their own load." (Galatians 6:5 NIV) I am doing this and carrying the full load for my family, and although very hard, I should be proud I am doing whatever it takes to bring provision and honor to my family and the Lord.
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." (Galatians 6:9) I must persevere...it will not be easy, but there will come and end time after this human life in which I will be able to rest and enjoy the fruits of my labor.
"Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." (1 Timothy 5:8) There would be absolutely no excuse for me to not provide for my family, I do not want to be worse than an unbeliever, so I must shoulder what is necessary to maintain our survival and comfort.
"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." (Colossians 3:17) Things may be hard, but in all things there is good. God brings beauty out of ashes and if we are thankful in all things, He will make sure we are blessed tenfold for all we are put through. We must look through the trials to see the blessings.
I just thought I would share these things with you, and what showed me the way to endure and persist throughout the years, no matter the situation. I love God's Word! <3 I listened to my favorite song, which always helps me cry every last tear out...both in anguish and in love! This is my favorite song:
"Blessings" by Laura Story
We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not,
This is not our home
It's not our home
'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise
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